General words of wisdom

"When we dead awaken, we see that we have never lived."
-Ibsen

"Grace to be born and live as variously as possible”
― Frank O'Hara

Black Bananas - Radtimes

New stuff from Jennifer Herrema of Royal Trux. Makes me miss putting things in my nose.....a little

MIX - Speed Run

Petition and Repetition sat on a log; Repetition listened to minimal, progressive electronic music.

Wait, what?



For absorbing, creating, running, passing time.

01) Markus Guetner - Jellyfish
02) Broadway Project - Blood in the Temple
03) Underworld - Dark & Long
04) Four Tet - This Unfolds
05) Gui Boratto - Colors
06) SCSI-9 - Mini
07) Ulrich Schnauss - On My Own
08) The Field - A Paw in My Face
09) Laurent Garnier - The Man With the Red Face
10) Daft Punk - Too Long
11) Aphex Twin - Ptolemy
12) House of House - The Rough Half (Don't Stop)

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MIX - Night Terrorists

The theme of this mix is music for sleep paralysis. I'm sure you're wondering - sleep paralysis is fucking scary....why would anyone want to willingly induce such a state? Well, the reason is that when you mentally prepare yourself for something, and face it willingly, you are much better equipped with dealing with it and also because many amazing things can arise from the half-conscious state you find yourself in during sleep-paralysis, such as OoBEs, lucid dreaming, and other neat stuff.

Relaxation/sedation ---> trance -----> subconscious programming

For best results, this mix should ideally be played during a nap, in a place you do not usually sleep, while lying in the supine position. If you have any questions, let me know!

01) Peter Davison - Glide II
02) Emeralds - Up in the Air
03) Gang Gang Dance - Egowar
04) Seefeel - Climactic Phase 3
05) Oneohtrix Point Never - Betrayed in the Octagon
06) Cluster - Sowiesoso
07) David Shea - Elegy
08) Yasunori Mitsuda - The One Who is Torn Apart
09) DJ Signify - Costume Kids
10) Liars - It Fit When I Was a Kid
11) Coil - Triple Sun
12) cLOUDDEAD - I Promise Never to Get Paint on my Glasses 2
13) Rachel's - The Mysterious Disappearance of Louis LePrince
14) Akira Yamaoka - Innocent Moon
15) Hymie's Basement - Moonhead
16) Gastr Del Sol - Mouth Canyon
17) Software - Island Sunrise

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This Mortal Coil - Kangaroo

MIX - Music for Coming Over

Modern, poppy, accessible, lovey-dovey shit, because you can only make jaded, roman-cynical Valentine's mixes with titles like "Fuck Your Stupid Day" and "I Hope You Choke and Die and Cry" and "No One Will Ever Love you Ever Ever Ever" for so many decades before you gotta switch it up a bit. Be forewarned - if you aren't cuddling by a fireplace or driving around aimlessly with your significant other after a day of exchanging oral sex and sensual rub downs, this will probably be too sappy for you.

01) Jeff Eliassen - Valentine
02) Smog - Dress Sexy At My Funeral
03) Atlas Sound - Walkabout
04) The Embassy - Information
05) Hot Chip - One Life Stand
06) The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Young Adult Friction
07) Stars - The First Five Times
08) Jens Lekman - ??? (live)
09) Super Furry Animals - Juxtaposed With U
10) Luna - Lovedust
11) Math & Physics Club - Darling Won't You Please Come Home
12) Broken Social Scene - Lover's Spit
13) Blur - Sweet Song
14) Yo La Tengo - Black Flowers
15) The Magnetic Fields - Asleep and Dreaming
16) Liars - The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack
17) Black Box Recorder - Goodnight Kiss
18) Beach House - Take Care

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Kevin Ayers - Stranger in Blue Suede Shoes

Joachim Witt - Der goldene Reiter

FEEL IT

Pale Saints - Kinky Love

Been pretty busy lately, but normal updates should resume this week

Steely Dan - My Old School

Tall Dwarfs - Turning Brown and Torn in Two

Deux - Felicita

Lords of the New Church - Dance With Me

Primal Scream - Higher Than the Sun (live)

MIX - West is Wondrous, part three

Leaving San Fransisco and heading home.



01) Sufjan Stevens - The Black Hawk War
02) Smog - Hit the Ground Running
03) John Vanderslice - White Plains
04) Lou Reed - Doin' the Things That We Want To
05) Mercury Rev - Goddess on a Hiway
06) Red House Painters - Shock Me
07) Mark Kozelek - River (KCRW version, 1996)
08) Bill Callahan - Riding for the Feeling
09) Hymie's Basement - American Too
10) Cass McCombs - County Line
11) Wilco - Via Chicago
12) Califone - The Orchids
13) Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - Easy Down the Road
14) Mojave 3 - Bringin' Me Home
15) Al Stewart - Long Way Home
16) Vietnam Veterans - 500 Miles
17) Judee Sill - There's a Rugged Road
18) Tom Waits - Downtown Train

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MIX - West is Wondrous, part two

Los Angeles up highway one and on into the Bay.



01) The Clientele - From Brighton Beach to Santa Monica
02) Shuggie Otis - Strawberry Letter 23
03) Warren Zevon - Excitable Boy
04) Saint Etienne - Shower Scene
05) The Raveonettes - Ode to L.A.
06) Puro Instinct - Lost at Sea
07) The Orchids - Peaches
08) The Tyde - All My Bastard Children
09) Luna - Malibu Love Nest
10) Comet Gain - You Can Hide Your Love Forever
11) Girls - Darling
12) Magik Markers - Taste
13) Massive Attack - Sly
14) Pulp - My Lighthouse
15) Van Morrison - Astral Weeks
16) Simon and Garfunkel - The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)
17) Akron/Family - Island

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MIX - West is Wondrous, part one

So I just returned from a wonderful road trip west (Dallas > Midland > Phoenix > LA > Big Sur > SF > Flagstaff > Ruidoso), and this is a mix chronicling the journey, divided into three parts. The first part is music for driving from Texas to California. Should be finished with the other two tomorrow. Enjoy!



01) Silver Jews - Trains Across the Sea
02) The Handsome Family - Stalled
03) Calexico - Quattro (World Drifts In)
04) The Microphones - The Glow, Pt. 2
05) Blanche - Jack on Fire
06) Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Albert Goes West
07) Neil Young - Rockin' in the Free World
08) Neko Case - People Got a Lotta Nerve
09) Mirah - Cold Cold Water
10) The Breeders - Drivin' on 9
11) The Decemberists - The Engine Driver
12) Modest Mouse - Styrofoam Plates / It's all Nice on Ice
13) Smog - I Was a Stranger
14) Lee Hazlewood - Your Sweet Love
15) Magnolia Electric Co. - The Night Shift Lullaby
16) Fleetwood Mac - Gypsy

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Note: track 4 and 5 should be switched after unzipping.

Music for cold weather, day seven

I should say in advance that this is going to be the most personal post I've ever done and probably that I'll ever do. Also this will be the last update for a week or so as I'm going out to Phoenix for a memorial and then onto LA and SF for a few days.

1. Red House Painters - s/t (Rollercoaster) (1993)



I have so much rushing through my head at the moment, I don't know where to start. I'm sitting in my car in front of my first home in Bedford, TX, writing this down on the back of an envelope with a Bic pen that doesn't want to cooperate with me. I came here today specifically for the purpose of writing about this album and now that I'm here I just want to enjoy the silence. So it goes....



It's been over ten years since I've been back to my old neighborhood. Driving into it a little earlier, I was greeted by vaguely familiar (albeit much smaller than I remember) street grids and very familiar locales (the empty supermarket parking lot where my mom taught me how to ride a bike is now a library, the jungle gym in the park where I broke my leg, the creek in that same park where I found a Swiss army knife one time and thought it was luckiest thing ever, and still have somewhere) and especially the street names: Harwood Rd, Forest Ridge Dr, Cummings Rd, and of course my old street, Wendover Ct. Chances are these names don't mean anything to you, but to me they are forever ingrained in the back of mind, and they evoke a million and one memories of my childhood. Turning onto the street where I grew up (an 'F' shaped cul de sac), I was hit with a tsunami of emotions I could never describe. Much of this place is embedded in my person, and even if I could accurately put it into words, no one will ever understand these things the way I do, the lingering familiarity that I feel, and that makes me a little sad.

When I first arrived I rang the door bell to my old house, somewhat nervous the present owner might mistake me for a thief or solicitor, and looked around as I waited. A lady answered the door and I explained to her that I used to live there and she kindly invited me in. She was a dietitian, and a very nice lady. Walking through my old house was, of course, a trip further down memory lane as I'd forgotten so many things that were just buried deep under all the newer memories I had accumulated. But as it always happens, despite that the house had been entirely re-decorated; everything came rushing back to me.

All those Christmases huddled around the fireplace with my mom and dad, the warmth of fire and my parents love, the impossibly tall ceiling of that living room, all the tiny design elements of the house that I'd become so acquainted with so long ago, were all just as I'd left them. She took me to the backyard and showed me the pool, which was almost exactly the same as it was in 1992, with those motley blue, black, and green tiles I could spend an entire summer day just staring at, getting lost in their swirling patterns. The neighborhood was like a huge playground to us. We knew every nook and cranny of it by heart, secret pathways to each others houses via jumping fences, the best trees to climb, the spots on the street which marked the goal lines for our football games we'd play with this neon orange ball that would illuminate with the push of a button (and when we were feeling strategic or just playfully devious, we would switch off the moment before a hand-off to confuse the opposing side). It was all mapped out back then, and it still is now.



I had some great friends. There was my first ‘girlfriend,’ Alex, who I remember as being blonde and gap-toothed, and who became a meth addict, and is now working for the government somewhere, maybe D.C. There was A.J., who lived on the corner, who I’d play video games with and jump on his trampoline and play wall ball like it was neatest thing ever, and was one of the best friends I ever had - no idea what became of him. Then there was David and Devon who lived next door. David was my age and Devon was the cool older kid we all looked up to and wanted to be like. We all had the same style of chili bowl haircuts, inspired by Devon Sawa and Jonathan Taylor Thomas and we spent every free moment we had playing sports in the street. I remember a sleep-over in David’s back cabin where we watched Alien 3 and played a boyishly homoerotic game of truth-or-dare with each other. But more than anything I remember being alone most vividly. I can almost recall the feeling I’d have, that naïve blissful feeling, of just sitting in my front yard in autumn playing with the exoskeleton of a cicada for hours and hours, completely unaware of time, completely appreciating every aspect of my little world.

The summers seemed like they would never end, yet always ended too soon. Everything then had a soul back then too. Every season, every month even, every tree or bush or flower bed, every insect and animal, and especially the houses themselves
I don't believe in ‘souls’ nowadays because I've come to learn that word is just a romantic signifier people of the past gave to the human experience, and understandably so, because it is a very mysterious and complicated thing. However, if I did have a soul, I would say that more than any other band, Red House Painters SOUNDS like my soul FEELS.

Mark Kozelek is 45 now, but he was around my age when he wrote these songs. He has since matured and no longer makes such dark, reminiscing music, but knowing he was 26 once and that someone else feels the same is very comforting to me. On the song, “Void” from Old Ramon, the last Red House Painters album, Kozelek sings, “Sometimes I pick it up and play / loosen and stretch it's ancient strings / until it sounds the way I feel.” This is how music should be made. You shouldn’t be concerned with subscribing to any musical trend or make music with any ulterior motive, it should be about expressing the inexpressible, and that is what Kozelek does so well.

I considered the Rollercoaster album to be my favorite and the very, very best record I knew of for several years. I considered it to be god-tier, and although I no longer regard it as the 'best' album there is, it is certainly still one of my favorites. There was a time, maybe around 18 or 19, when I had to skip the first track of this album. The song is called "Grace Cathedral Park," and just hearing its opening chords was too much to bear for me at the time. I can listen to it now, but it still moves me greatly, as does the entire record. I have put the piano version of "Mistress" on too many mix cds to even try and count.



I've spent many years trying to either embrace, or come to terms with, or rid myself of this nostalgia. I spent a few recent years under the idea that this sort of sentiment was detrimental to my progress as a person, and it was weighing me down. However, I've recently concluded that despite this time is probably nothing more than a sweet deception, a heavenly lie we are allowed to live for ten or twelve years, its good to keep a tiny piece of your past self intact, because I've seen what happens to people who don't and how dangerous such a separation can be, and I know now that's not how I want to be.

After I left my old house there was one other place I wanted to visit before leaving Bedford. By now I'd had enough silence, and I finally put in my cd of the Rollercoaster album, and drove to the park where I use to go often as a child. It was dusk, and everything was bi-tonal. The sky was completely clear, occupied only by the silhouettes of a flock of passing birds and the white trail of a single jet plane passing by. The sky was the color of orange sherbert near the horizon, and it blended into a gradient of periwinkle blue above it. Everything else was either that sherbert orange or periwinkle blue, or a black silhouette, the dim outlines of the leaf-less treetops, each with a million tiny crooked points, and below that the water, its ripples and reflections moving fluidly, so solemn and serene. It's the beauty of these simple and seemingly ordinary scenes such as a park at dusk that Kozelek knows and captures so well, with the keen eye of a child, and the poetic mastery of a grown adult.

As I sat there listening to "Things Mean a Lot," I reminisced on the halcyon days of youth that I yearned for and spent trying to recapture in my teenage years, and came to resent for their blissful taunting of my early twenties, and now at 26, the same age Kozelek was when he was writing these, I think I finally understand what he was trying to say. Even if his songs were about some park in San Fransisco that I've never been to, in a sense mine and his (and yours) are the same, and that essence of wistfulness or saudade or nostalgia or whatever you want to call it, is all so poetically (and philosophically) summarized in one single short line midway through the Rollercoaster album:

"Things mean a lot at the time, don't mean nothin' later"







Note: normally I assign scores to albums, but to try and give these ratings would be pointless as they transcend numerical values. Let this speak for itself.

DOWNLOAD : Red House Painters - s/t & Down Colorful Hill
DOWNLOAD : Red House Painters Retrospective (2 disc, FLAC, 700~MB)

Music for cold weather, day six point five

I'm waiting until tomorrow to post my very favorite album because it is very special to me and I have a lot to write about it. In the meantime, here are some other albums I like during the colder months of the year that didn't make the top seven. If you plan on drinking while listening to these, be sure to hide the kitchen knives beforehand.

Xiu Xiu - Knife Play (2002)



Bark Psychosis - Hex (1994)



Arab Strap - Philophobia (1997)



Knife Play. The album title says it all. Sounds like being stabbed feels to a masochist. Sounds like what I'd want to hear if I was freezing to death. Sounds like the kind of music someone would make with live jumper cables clipped to their scrotum. I knew a guy who took 5 hits of acid and listened to this album once; probably the craziest human being I've ever known, because that would be at the top of my 'things you should never ever do' list. Hex. Mostly instrumental post-rock. Light cymbals + emotive, studious piano melodies, snowed under several feet of orchestrated melancholy. Probably what inspired Explosions in the Sky and bands like that. Philophobia. The most self-loathing, desperate, and saddest of all sad bastard music. You just feel fat, drunk, and loveless listening to it, its like a contact high only not at all euphoric (contact Low?). Despite all that, this is a very sincere and well-written album. Like Low or Bedhead with a drum-machine turned up a notch on the tempo, and more direct lyrics about romance/relationship woes. I had a hard time choosing between this and Elephant Shoe, but this is probably my favorite.

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Music for cold weather, day six

2. Montgolfier Brothers complete discography



A lot of people consider Radiohead to be depressing music, and it certainly is, however its depressiveness is the kind for people who end up on Prozac at 19 and stay on it for the rest of their lives. Thom Yorke's is a hollow sadness, and I can understand that, because I've experienced that before. However, it's a little too mopey for me nowadays and I fancy my depressing music to be more maudlin than mopey. I don't want to fill whatever gap or emptiness resides within to some emotional homeostasis, but rather to make that gap larger and more exposed for 45 or so minutes so afterwards, it kind of heals and shrinks a little, and I realize that my circumstance isn't as bad as it could be. I want it to be therapeutic, to achieve some end and help me - not numb me.

I get myself into trouble sometimes with my hyperbolic metaphors. My description of that LN album took superlatives to a new zenith, and now I’m faced with the task of describing an even MORE depressing album via some form of elative. With LN, there's a definite immaturity to his writing. That's probably not a good word because its connotations can be demeaning (youthfulness?), but what I mean to say is that if LN is music for heartbreak at 23, Montgolfier Brothers is heartbreak for 33 or 43. Not break-up heartbreak, but divorce heartbreak. I've had these albums for several years now, and every winter I bust them out when I'm in 'the mood' and they resonate more and more with me each year.

Mark Tranmer isn't the kind of guy who knows a couple chords and has enough of a poetic/tortured soul to still make compelling music; he is the rare breed who is also a born composer. The sounds shimmer with the beauty of a blanket of winter snow, cloaking and cleansing everything in the whitest of whites. I've talked many times about how beauty and sadness are often closely related, and this is a fantastic example of this. Tranmer's discography consists of 3 albums, and there isn't a single song below stellar on any of them. One of my favorite bands for this time of year. Take a listen below and you'll hear why.

Rating: 10/10

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